PG Wodehouse once claimed it was not hard to tell the difference between a Scotsman with a grievance and a sunbeam. If Donald Trump can build golf resorts in Aberdeenshire and Clarkson can roll through the majestic Highlands babbling anti-Scottish slurs and manifold fatuities, clearly her powers to stymie toxic middle-aged man-babies realising their unedifying dreams need enhancing. Presumably, normal rules of the road were waived for this Amazon production, which is not something I imagine the first minister signing off on. Why the McPlods (oh dear, this is catching) didn’t ticket the infantilised Murdoch lackey for driving while using a handheld device is beyond me. “Welcome to McScotland,” said Clarkson into his walkie talkie, while May and Hammond cackled like fiftysomething Beavis and Butt-Heads in their vehicles. Indeed, there is surely nothing more apt to make Nicola Sturgeon unleash the ancestral claymore than the sight of three English muppets in gas-guzzling Yank tanks (Lincoln Continental, Cadillac Coupe de Ville and Buick Riviera, each more productive of Greta Thunberg’s tears than a cormorant with its beak stuck in a can of Irn-Bru) heading north from Berwick-upon-Tweed.Īs soon as the convoy passed the border, the scripted bants began. In the resulting unpleasantness, the three presenters took a helicopter to safety, like the last chopper out of Saigon, leaving the crew to defend that oxymoron, British honour. During that 2014 debacle, Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond were attacked for driving a Porsche whose number plate – H982 FKL – was deemed a reference to Britain’s victory in the 1982 Falklands conflict. Fingers crossed, patriarchy’s answer to Katie Hopkins and the Cheeky Girls would get chucked out of Scotland just as they were from Argentina while filming Top Gear. I had high hopes for this diplomatic incident masquerading as a TV travelogue through Scotland.
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